So just like that, blogging became extremely difficult. 

I just can’t bring myself to sit down and write the damn thing.

It happened the week after passing my driving test (a late learner!). I had the revelatory thought ‘don’t push yourself, keep it simple’. I let everything ease up. I’ve moved to a reduced morning schedule, akin to my life pre-blog, pre-other project, pre-driving. I picked up journalling again. 

I won’t lie to you; it’s been much more pleasureable not trying to squeeze in some outward productivity. It’s been much more enjoyable not watching the clock like a hawk with each thing that I’m doing. There is some slack.

On the other hand, without making some time for blogging in the morning, I am simply not doing it. This is an issue because a) I want to blog and get better at it, and b) I have this growing burden that I’m not doing it that, because I know it’s getting longer and longer since the last time I posted. I can literally feel the burden – it’s around my solar plexus. 

I understand that this is standard, other people go through it, and on reflection it’s probably a good thing to feel the burden, because it means I care about it. I can tell myself all of this, do all the re-framing I want in my mind, but at the end that’s lip service. I know myself and the only thing that will ease the burden is doing it, which is why I’m writing this. 

I also need to review the rules I’ve set for myself. Maybe I don’t have to write a medium to long length post. Maybe it is okay to do bitesize, a sentence or two. Maybe I don’t have to spend exactly 30 minutes on it. Maybe it can be just 15. If it’s nicer to write out by hand (like journalling), then why don’t I do that and then see how actually painful it is to transcribe onto the computer?

There’s a few points I probably need to change my narrative on when talking to myself about it, and to remember why I am doing the blog. It’s to share my experience, and if a single person ends up finding value in anything that I’ve written, then that is worthwhile.